Saturday, May 2, 2009

My thoughts

Everything is so complicated. It sucks. I think the best and worst thing to have in life is a relationship with no name. You have no rights over the person but seem to give all the rights to them.
All the time I'm thinking what exactly do I mean to him? I know I'm more than just a fuck but how much more? I know it isn't love, for him. For me? It is complex.
I need to get over him but he doesnt let me. And he is pretty overt about that. He likes me being in love with him. There are so many weird thoughts in my head.
One train of thought says, I should let this takes it's course. It is me. I don't stay anywhere long if I'm not appreciated. But then, he has proved to have an effect on me that counters everything I thought about myself till now.
My second train of thoughts says I should just get over him and then resume whatever we CAN have. First priority is me. Then the entire friendship thing comes into play. I know I mean a lot to him. Maybe not as much as he means to me. But once he did say to me: Please never hurt me.
My brain keeps wondering if I'm just another voice on the phone. Kinda like phone sex. What the hell am I thinking? I need to get away from my thoughts. I just need to get away...


Anonymous said...

i hate to choose between alternatives that are exactly opposites!

I wish u never get hurt !!